Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
