I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
