Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
