he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
