If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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