Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.

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(954): View more from Florida

i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.

Fav 24 7458 1566
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(732): View more from New Jersey

been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college

Fav 11 1316 4193
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(949): View more from California

I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.

Fav 13 7350 1348
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD

Fav 10 1271 3459
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing

Fav 2 1628 1213
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.

(1-608): View more from Wisconsin

You eat cookies in the shower?

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(248): View more from Michigan

Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there

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(208): View more from Idaho

Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.

(208): View more from Idaho

Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.

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