As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
