Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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