oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm too high and old for this...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
