that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
