I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
