we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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