What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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