1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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