Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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