Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
