The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize