I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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