my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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