we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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