I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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