It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
