Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
