so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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