why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
