Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
