I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
