Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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