i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
