why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
