i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
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After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Sex in the backyard? Check.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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