You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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