i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize