Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
