just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
