I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
