saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
