He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
