Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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