video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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