So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
