We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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