Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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