Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok