giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?