Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!