Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.

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  (408): At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now. http://tfl.nu/049i
  Replies (10) Good night (604) Bad night (1690) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.

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  (724): He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him. http://tfl.nu/jd1k
  Replies (23) Good night (3113) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine

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  (516): doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine http://tfl.nu/5fcf
  Replies (32) Good night (2317) Bad night (7009) Order T-Shirt
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe

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  (712): it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe http://tfl.nu/5ing
  Replies (14) Good night (3536) Bad night (1248) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.

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  (317): I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare. http://tfl.nu/t1bj
  Replies (12) Good night (4040) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.

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  (360): I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina. http://tfl.nu/jli8
  Replies (55) Good night (1160) Bad night (9718) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding

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  (913): Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding http://tfl.nu/jewl
  Replies (8) Good night (3585) Bad night (1169) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.

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  (860): There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now. http://tfl.nu/p8mk
  Replies (6) Good night (3149) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  True on all accounts.

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  (702): I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me. (1-702): True on all accounts. http://tfl.nu/tt9s
  Replies (13) Good night (3369) Bad night (813)
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  (408): View more from California

  Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.

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  (408): Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls. http://tfl.nu/x3cf
  Replies (0) Good night (1399) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?

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  (301): do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit? http://tfl.nu/0117
  Replies (6) Good night (1108) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.

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  (916): You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito. http://tfl.nu/1uk0
  Replies (8) Good night (1994) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am

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  (970): We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am http://tfl.nu/badm
  Replies (4) Good night (1550) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
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  (842): View more from

  we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone

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  (842): we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone http://tfl.nu/yvho
  Replies (11) Good night (2256) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.

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  (612): If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home. http://tfl.nu/rwle
  Replies (3) Good night (705) Bad night (192) Order T-Shirt

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