ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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