You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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