I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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