i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
