if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize