Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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