I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
