smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
