thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
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But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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