I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
