I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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