I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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