I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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