It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
