these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
