All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
