He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
