He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
