She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
