go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
