Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
